When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.