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We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
sarcasm needs its own font
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
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