I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.