Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
...is it true? will i see you next weekend
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
How is your vagina???
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
D3 body, D1 cock
just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?