So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.