Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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