You can't special order awesome
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
