Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry