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U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
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