i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
