You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.