i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?