Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
