MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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