can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
