You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"