I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
