Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.