I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
