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he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
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