Texts From Last Night

delcerebro's Favorites Texts:

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  (707): View more from California

  You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.

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  (707): You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are. http://tfl.nu/sbxa
  Replies (6) Good night (1120) Bad night (2954) Order T-Shirt
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  (714): View more from California

  I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister

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  (714): I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister http://tfl.nu/d8wy
  Replies (13) Good night (3756) Bad night (803) Order T-Shirt
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  (813): View more from Florida

  His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.

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  (813): His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up. http://tfl.nu/2dvo
  Replies (1) Good night (2604) Bad night (760)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.

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  (708): she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween. http://tfl.nu/3m71
  Replies (22) Good night (6507) Bad night (436) Order T-Shirt
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.

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  (630): i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween. http://tfl.nu/iqfz
  Replies (56) Good night (6521) Bad night (851) Order T-Shirt
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.

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  (204): The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume. http://tfl.nu/wyb3
  Replies (26) Good night (5578) Bad night (1438) Order T-Shirt
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy

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  (574): He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy http://tfl.nu/cwdv
  Replies (13) Good night (4525) Bad night (709) Order T-Shirt
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  (386): View more from Florida

  Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.

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  (386): Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation. http://tfl.nu/xc4n
  Replies (27) Good night (5194) Bad night (1657) Order T-Shirt
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  (408): View more from California

  we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can

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  (408): we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can http://tfl.nu/prvy
  Replies (6) Good night (791) Bad night (4941) Order T-Shirt
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.

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  (630): Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song. http://tfl.nu/ltnq
  Replies (47) Good night (898) Bad night (5006) Order T-Shirt
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  (661): View more from California

  No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.

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  (661): No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer. http://tfl.nu/5zs6
  Replies (44) Good night (4361) Bad night (880) Order T-Shirt
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.

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  (512): I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck. http://tfl.nu/pefb
  Replies (8) Good night (1395) Bad night (1144) Order T-Shirt
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....

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  (309): so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower.... http://tfl.nu/5ddp
  Replies (14) Good night (1066) Bad night (4147) Order T-Shirt
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!

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  (908): It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?! http://tfl.nu/h7d0
  Replies (20) Good night (7763) Bad night (842) Order T-Shirt
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning

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  (618): we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning http://tfl.nu/44lc
  Replies (3) Good night (2832) Bad night (1255) Order T-Shirt
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  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one

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  (580): Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one http://tfl.nu/xo36
  Replies (7) Good night (2832) Bad night (1160) Order T-Shirt
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.

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  (937): This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable. http://tfl.nu/352a
  Replies (25) Good night (1087) Bad night (5024) Order T-Shirt
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?

  (1-412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit

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  (412): How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body? (1-412): Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit http://tfl.nu/2oue
  Replies (51) Good night (2147) Bad night (13624)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.

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  (704): The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it. http://tfl.nu/e919
  Replies (20) Good night (7667) Bad night (986) Order T-Shirt
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  (352): View more from Florida

  Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes

  (1-352): View more from Florida

  I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.

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  (352): Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes (1-352): I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos. http://tfl.nu/ch4a
  Replies (13) Good night (7627) Bad night (857) Order T-Shirt
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  (352): View more from Florida

  i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE

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  (352): i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE http://tfl.nu/5phb
  Replies (184) Good night (51672) Bad night (2294)
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  (352): View more from Florida

  Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.

  (1-352): View more from Florida

  What?

  (352): View more from Florida

  Just dont open the beer drawer.

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  (352): Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge. (1-352): What? (352): Just dont open the beer drawer. http://tfl.nu/02la
  Replies (16) Good night (1501) Bad night (5611)
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  (352): View more from Florida

  she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.

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  (352): she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property. http://tfl.nu/vsw9
  Replies (25) Good night (2075) Bad night (5549) Order T-Shirt
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  (352): View more from Florida

  She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"

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  (352): She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?" http://tfl.nu/uzh1
  Replies (16) Good night (1728) Bad night (4759) Order T-Shirt
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.

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  (573): Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning. http://tfl.nu/k6zp
  Replies (10) Good night (5938) Bad night (536) Order T-Shirt
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting

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  (719): We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting http://tfl.nu/vcgc
  Replies (6) Good night (4717) Bad night (731) Order T-Shirt