The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
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My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
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There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.