The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.