I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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