You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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