He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...