i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!