The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.