my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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