Texts From Last Night · USFsecret's Favorites

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USFsecret's Favorites Texts:

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(319): View more from Iowa

On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?

(316): View more from Kansas

Toaster

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(585): View more from New York

just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.

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(212): View more from New York

Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"

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(519): View more from Ontario

My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.

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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Read it at the TFLN blog
(706): View more from Georgia

He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?

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(402): View more from Nebraska

All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was

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(916): View more from California

The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.

(1-916): View more from California

Try oodles of noodles this time.

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(716): View more from New York

i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly

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