How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.