Texts From Last Night

Seriously44's Favorites Texts:

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  (940): View more from Texas

  I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast

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  (940): I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast http://tfl.nu/e3ki
  Replies (8) Good night (309) Bad night (539) Order T-Shirt
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Not as covert as you thought huh?

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  (740): Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years (614): Not as covert as you thought huh? http://tfl.nu/u7wd
  Replies (6) Good night (1067) Bad night (381)
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  (858): View more from California

  WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.

  (760): View more from California

  You're High aren't you?

  (858): View more from California

  Sooooo high

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  (858): WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service. (760): You're High aren't you? (858): Sooooo high http://tfl.nu/byvy
  Replies (11) Good night (2954) Bad night (470)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.

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  (202): I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills. http://tfl.nu/w2hv
  Replies (6) Good night (1331) Bad night (526) Order T-Shirt
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  (949): View more from California

  Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.

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  (949): Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you. http://tfl.nu/q3ie
  Replies (29) Good night (5000) Bad night (790)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.

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  (608): On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke. http://tfl.nu/f19p
  Replies (18) Good night (2752) Bad night (267) Order T-Shirt
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  (518): View more from New York

  Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.

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  (518): Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird. http://tfl.nu/4vio
  Replies (1) Good night (1122) Bad night (287) Order T-Shirt
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?

  (1+61): View more from

  Mobile recharge?

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  (+61): What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls? (1+61): Mobile recharge? http://tfl.nu/wf5a
  Replies (2) Good night (821) Bad night (227) Order T-Shirt
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.

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  (717): I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets. http://tfl.nu/qvke
  Replies (9) Good night (1629) Bad night (298)
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  (510): View more from California

  This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.

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  (510): This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him. http://tfl.nu/bezf
  Replies (18) Good night (1581) Bad night (244) Order T-Shirt
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  (407): View more from Florida

  my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.

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  (407): my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed. http://tfl.nu/xljx
  Replies (87) Good night (3380) Bad night (31160) Order T-Shirt
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".

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  (306): So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation". http://tfl.nu/h2mq
  Replies (85) Good night (3271) Bad night (39396) Order T-Shirt
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  (979): View more from Texas

  Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.

  (512): View more from Texas

  That would explain all the random shit in my room...

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  (979): Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty. (512): That would explain all the random shit in my room... http://tfl.nu/75zy
  Replies (2) Good night (1462) Bad night (246)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.

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  (218): Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off. http://tfl.nu/vd2r
  Replies (7) Good night (978) Bad night (423)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.

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  (312): He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning. http://tfl.nu/pfuk
  Replies (6) Good night (1375) Bad night (258)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning

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  (630): We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning http://tfl.nu/kk2v
  Replies (6) Good night (1077) Bad night (315) Order T-Shirt
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  (530): View more from California

  Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection

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  (530): Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection http://tfl.nu/e8qx
  Replies (24) Good night (894) Bad night (5490) Order T-Shirt
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  (331): View more from Illinois

  DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME

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  (331): DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME http://tfl.nu/8t0w
  Replies (7) Good night (2571) Bad night (431) Order T-Shirt
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.

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  (215): the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead. http://tfl.nu/na4w
  Replies (6) Good night (3187) Bad night (527) Order T-Shirt
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.

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  (248): Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students. http://tfl.nu/08kn
  Replies (50) Good night (803) Bad night (4475)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight

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  (636): Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight http://tfl.nu/6533
  Replies (17) Good night (706) Bad night (4171) Order T-Shirt
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown

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  (270): and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown http://tfl.nu/vz9q
  Replies (14) Good night (3100) Bad night (793) Order T-Shirt