I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i wish my penis had a tongue
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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