So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
