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Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
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