I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"