You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
I told him it was alright.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.