Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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