Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.