Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Dating After Heartbreak
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light