I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
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And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
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Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number