last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
