My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
