he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
