Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
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Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.