At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
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