dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
