They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...