I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
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He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
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i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.