At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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