fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
be there in ten.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?