Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
