Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Two words: nipple clamps
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