In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
A Guy Sent A Woman What May Be The Craziest Breakup Text Ever
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
28 Completely Safe For Work Pictures Of Genitals
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.