So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you inspire me to be a worse person
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.