You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
we're making bets on your personal life
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
