I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.