You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
